Scenes From Unwritten Novels 1.19

Can we get this briefing going?  Yes?  So, shut up, sit down and listen.

Thank you. Here we go.  No need for taking notes.  All info is summarized in the files in front of you. Soft copies will also be sent out after this “soiree” we got going here is done.

Boys, and lady. This is big money maniac time. The one we have been waiting for.  Our research team is very confident about the location and reality of this lead.  Score of a lifetime. Can I use more clichés? Yes, I can.

So, I got some hard ass Indian words that I’m about to read and pronounce. This is Indian (red dot, not feathers) so your patience is not only appreciated, but expected.

In a nutshell a few hundred years back, the Hindu King Sri Krishnadevaraya donated in his lifetime 423 diamonds, 30,000 gold coins and 2800 garnets to Lord Sri Venkateshwara in Tirupati. This has been missing or mishandled.  Where is this treasure? We think we know.  Buried in the northwestern Indian Ocean.

An Indian Government’s archaeology group that went into the matter of these gifts made by King Sri Krishnadevaraya to Lord Sri Venkateswara at Tirumala has determined that the present jewelry in the custody of Tirumala Tirupati Devasthanams, this point forward referenced as TTD, did not, I repeat, DID NOT match with those reportedly made by the Vijayanagara Emperor as per the inscriptional evidence.  AKA Fakes.

As per the previously mentioned inscriptions, Sri Krishnadevaraya, a devotee of Lord Sri Venkateswara, visited the shrine seven times during his lifetime, he’s hardcore, he made a variety of donations to this Lord during each visit.

Here’s the juicy part.  Totals of goods targeted are as follows: The Emperor had offered one Ratna Kireetam, studded with precious stones such as garnets (2822), emeralds (160), diamonds (423), rubies (3), sapphires (10), cat eyes (1), agate (1) and pearls (1,339) during his first visit on October 02, 1513. In all, its total weight is recorded at 3,308 tunkhas (each tunkha is equal to 2.5 grams).

Second visit, February 05, 1513, he dropped ‘vidudhara’ (a gold ornament), three pairs of bhujakeerthis, three swords with sheaths, I got dibs on that, called, stampsies no call backs, two sheaths with tassels, a pendent, two pairs of addigalapeta with a gold chain and a kireetam (crown).

Third visit, June 13, 1513, he gave nine kinds of precious stones. Sri Krishnadevaraya performed a ‘Kanakabhishekam’ for the Lord with 30,000 gold coins (varahalu) during his fourth visit on June 7, 1514. One ‘thrisaram’ (three-stringed ornament), a pair of kadiyams were donated along with the gold coins during the visit.

A copper statue of Sri Krishnadevaraya along with his consorts Tirumala Devi and Chinnadevi in the form of paying obeisance to the Lord was given during his sixth visit on October 16, 1518. A ‘peetambaram’ studded with nine kinds of precious stones, was donated in his last visit on February 2, 1521. The description of each antique with the kind of metal and the stones used is detailed in the report on your desk.

Royal Wedding

This will be my final and only statement on this subject:

Due to many unforeseen changes in my schedule, I regret to announce that I cannot attend the upcoming Royal Wedding.

Despite many “media” rumours, my relationship with the Royal Family remains as always, strong and full of respect.

I congratulate and wish continued happiness, love and good fortune to the young couple.

Ⓒ 2018 Giuseppe Morgante. All Rights Reserved.

Lullaby for Luca

A Lullaby created 17 years ago or a few days after he was born. This has now become something of a rap.

I know a boy whose name is Luca

He’s one big, bubbly palooka

Likes to chew gum, what kind? Bazooka

Flies through the air like Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka

Likes to get drunk on Sambuca

He’s my big bad Mother- Foooka

Ⓒ 2018 Giuseppe Morgante. All Rights Reserved.

Scenes From Unwritten Novels 1.17

I have the shot. It is clear and I’m frozen.  Can’t pull the trigger. Can’t hear anything but gunfire from the rest of the squad. Stressed, my imagination takes over…..I see…. I imagine them all, eyes on me, hands extended towards me, desperately mouthing the words…. “take the shot.”   All of this is in slow motion of course. Black and white. Odd artistic choice.

Frozen and I think of taking a piss. I think about my shy bladder syndrome. That would be a great name for a neo punk band.

To deal with shy bladder syndrome at a urinal, surrounded by others, I found an out. I stared at the bathroom tile walls directly in front of me. Using 2 square tiles and their defined edges, I created a mental countdown. A Digital clock.  5  4   3   2   1………….

I took the shot.

Scenes From Unwritten Novels 1.16

“My apologies for putting you on hold Ms. Verharghe…?”

“Mrs. …..Mrs. Verharghe” She replied.

“Mrs.….I apologize. Taking a look at your files, our records show we had a consultant visit last month and another member of our team has already rebooted your x-14D in the past 2 weeks….also…..”

“Sir, I must interrupt. Do you understand the exact nature of my complaint?” Asked Mrs. Verharghe.

“Yes, we have it listed under language glitch, when the x-14D is in Teaching mode and…”

“I will stop you right there. I have been through this too many times. This damned robot is purposefully making my 2-year-old child use obscene language. It is the same thing over and over.”

“Ms. Verhaeghe”


“Mrs. Mrs. Yes, I am very sorry, it’s just that we do not call them robots they are…..”

“I don’t care. Listen to me. Enough of this gobbledey gook. It insists on having my child swear. Insists on repeatedly using the words Fox, Frog and sit. Repeatedly.”